(Source: neckstime, via nogginvoice)

Just got back from the Fray concert at the Orpheum theatre in Vancouver, B.C. The show was AMAZING! This was my first time seeing them live and it still feels so surreal.

Poor Isaac Slade’s voice was a little hoarse but he pushed through it and performed beautifully in every song they played. (They did a bunch from the new album, a few from The Fray album and, of course, How to Save a Life & Cable Car) They sang “Maps” as their encore song and Isaac tore it up on the accordion. Isaac pulled the audience in between songs talking about how his car got impounded when he was up here at 19 and how he never paid the ticket :) And also how Vancouver is a city that he always remembers during all the touring that they do. He also said that sometimes the audience can be a bit, dull and he has to try hard to get them going but he was glad that we were awesome and he looked like he was having a great time with us.

*Best Moment of the Night*

Isaac Slade walked up the aisle and we held hands for, like, a second.. but it was the BEST second of my life. You have no idea how much that meant to me especially since there was no options of Meet & Greets for this show. (If you’re curious - his hands are very soft) *swoon*

At the end of the night, he called us all to the stage and we squashed together - I managed to be up front pretty much - and walked back and forth to shake hands and whatnot. (I was recording so I failed to get another shake).

The whole band was perfect tonight! I had a better view of Dave and he is even cuter in person. I was too far from Joe but was mesmerized during his rendition of “Uncertainty”. And Ben - can’t forget him! He was the last to leave the stage and even tossed his sticks to us which was cute. He jumped up on the piano and took a photo with his camera (which I cannot wait to see if possible)

All four boys waved and seemed genuinely pleased as they left the stage.

Thank you so much for being you, The Fray. Your music has touched my life and now I got to touch a part of one of you. <3

My cat is getting weaker and weaker by the day. Something is obviously wrong with her but my Mother refuses to take her in. It’s deja vu all over again!

One-by-one our cats have been getting sick and all the hope in the world doesn’t change their fate - we just end up having to put them down.

My favorite cat ever - Charm - went first.

Then his Mom, Lucky.

It’s been a few years since then and it looked like the two remaining cats - Buster & Coal - were doing fine. Yet for the past few months Buster has been obsessing over water & hanging out in the sinks. Other than that, he’s fine.

No one would have suspected Coal to just suddenly get ill and deteriorate over the past few days. She was hiding while Sara was visiting but we all thought it was because she was scared. Then my Mom thought it was a hairball situation and she would be fine a day later.

It’s not fine. She looks horrible. She’s listless, lethargic, clearly dehydrated, won’t eat, hovers over the water dish & all her personality is gone.

It’s going to happen again and even tho I should be used to it by now - I’m not.

And because she’s not my cat - I have no control over her going to the vet.

So what do I do? I avoid her. And wait for her to get so bad that my Mother finally takes her to the vet to be put down.

She’s only, like, 12 years old. She’s been an indoor cat ever since she got brutally attacked by a raccoon when she was little. She’s sweet as sugar and loves to be petted. She loves snuggling on freshly washed flannelette blankets. She bites & claws you when you don’t give her enough attention (and most of the time, there’s no end to the attention she wants)

I love her. And I’m going to lose her and there’s nothing I can do about it.

For someone as full of hope as me - after all I’ve been through with my cats - I am just feel empty and hopeless.

Why do I even bother? That’s my mantra right now. My hopefulness is like poison to my soul yet still remains inside me as strong as ever.

Some people just want to try and break the strong; the unbreakable.

They won’t succeed but they are putting small cracks in my armor.

And at times like these, I just want to give up. I really do.

But, of course, I won’t. My story hasn’t been told yet.

Thank god for The Fray’s new album. Music will erase the pain and lighten the darkness - even if only for a moment.

It seems like I’ve always had one or more friends in my life - I cannot remember a time when I was without one. So over the years I have managed to accumulate a handful of friends that mean a lot to me but they aren’t perfect nor are our friendships perfect.

My current guy best friend is someone I talk to almost every day since we use Skype and leave the call open for hours on end. He used to live in Washington state and had visited me a few times before moving to Texas last year. We have a very weird, uncomfortable past but have managed to maintain a good friendship so far.

In the back of my mind, I have always felt like we wouldn’t be life long friends and it used to upset me a lot. I don’t usually have nor want partial friendships that are only around for a small amount of time BUT I’ve learned that sometimes people come into your life for only a short while and there’s really nothing you can do about it. Yes, it hurts and I wish I could hold onto him so tightly and never let him go but that’s not possible nor right.

He needs to go off and experience life and everything and tho there will always be the internet and voice chat, the dependence we have on each other is unhealthy.

I’ve yet to be in the situation where I can start living differently so he will be the one to walk away most likely but I’m coming to terms with that.. slowly.

I love the guy. He’s my best friend. I feel a special bond to him.

But he isn’t my property. Nothing gold can stay, right Ponyboy? :)

I look forward to all the new experiences and people I will met along my journey, when it starts.

I have a huge heart and am a great friend so I hope to make my mark on many more people and also find some new true friends that are lifelong.

I kinda almost lost it when I heard The Fray was coming to Vancouver AND playing at the oh-so-beautiful Orpheum Theater! I got so overwhelmed with excitement that I almost psyched myself out of going.

Yes, I would be going alone and that’s kinda sad BUT it’s THE FRAY!

I woke up 45 minutes LATE on the morning of buying my ticket BUT managed a decent seat. No going back now.

I’m happy. And slightly nervous. It’s scary knowing I will get to finally be in the same room as the musicians that have changed (and saved) my life. I can’t wait.

Such a perfect gift to give myself for turning 30 on the 15th of Feb. I hope their new CD gets to my door before my birthday. That would make my WHOLE Year!

I Love The Fray and I am so excited to attend my first concert in a month!

OH MY GOD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  CANNOT WAIT!!!!!!

I’m so frustrated right now. My “lifestyle change” seems to be on pause and the scale is against me. I should probably start exercising every day - excluding my 30 min dog walks. I have no motivation or drive or positive thinking left right now.

It’s mentally exhausting trying to change your outer self to benefit your inner self & your whole life.

This funk I am in is starting to pull me down deeper.

Where is my life preserver?

When will I get a fuckin’ break?

It shouldn’t be this hard, right?

*lays my head on my desk and lets out a sigh*

I’ve been experiencing a mild case of the blah’s these past 2 weeks or so. For some, the New Year brings a new & exciting burst of energy that catapults you into doing all sorts of great things. But for me this new year has given me pause and a whole lot of reflection time that I’m not truly enjoying one bit.

I suppose it may have to do with how my transition into 2012 happened but I’m trying to overlook the whole event and move forward.

I’m feeling misplaced and misguided and certainly misunderstood.

The more I touch down on who I truly am as my own individual person - the more I am having to face walls & demons & confrontations that I’ve had paused for far too long.

The old me is growing weaker as each day passes and is slowly but surely being replaced with this new strange me that sometimes freaks the hell out of me.

Who Am I?

Where Am I Going?

What Is All This For?

Oh, the answer-less questions in a beautifully jumbled mind.

It’s weird to type “2012” because a part of me wants to hold tightly onto 2011 and not let go. I’ve always struggled with change and letting go mostly because I lack the confidence it takes to actually achieve something.

In 2011 I didn’t accomplish much. I did not get a job or even look for one honestly. I notice that I tend to make goals in the fall that seem to fade out by the New Year. Sept of 2010 I set out to lose weight. I lost about 25-30 lbs by the New Year. Then I stopped giving a shit and maintained my weight up until June 20th, when I joined MyFitnessPal.com and away I went. I have lost 35 more pounds in the last 6 months bringing my total loss to around 60 lbs. Yes, 60 lbs is a lot to most people but to someone as big as me it’s only a small chunk of my goal. Don’t get me wrong - I am proud of myself for the work I did to lose every single pound and even tho I have gained back 4 lbs due to the Holidays - I am not punishing myself for it.

So as I begrudgingly step forward into 2012, I decided not to make “resolutions” but “mini goals” to help push me along. These are the current ones that I hope to accomplish this month.

To get back into walking/exercise & making better choices in my weight loss so that I can get back those 2 lb losses a week.

To walk into town and hand out resumes even if I get no call backs.

To check out the local Curves and see what it’s all about.

To make the call to Douglas College and get the information package mailed to me so that I can start the whole application process for the VOA program.

My Main Goals of 2012.

To continue to discover and rediscover who I am and all the awesomeness that I possess.

To continue to lose weight and hopefully drop another 80 lbs.

To get a job and save enough money to move out.

To put myself out there and go on dates.

And lastly, to venture out of my comfort zones this year.

I do need a job, money, my own place, my drivers license & a boyfriend would be nice. Those things will not be easy to get for me but I need to take steps in order for them to be something I can get sometime in the near future.

Honestly, I’m scared. It’s not that I think I can’t do it, it’s that I don’t think I will. But I hope I do because I want to feel proud of who I am and I want to be as happy as possible.

Here goes!